For My Partner in Crime

It’s important to give people their flowers while they can still smell them. So, this post is dedicated to celebrating my cousin, best friend, and soul sister, Vanessa.

As the saying goes, “You don’t choose your family” – and while that’s true, I believe that it's more appropriate to say that “You don’t choose who you’re related to” because you most definitely can choose who’s your family. My relationship with Vanessa is a testament to that.

Vanessa and I have been close from the jump. Vanessa loves to tell the story that when my mother was pregnant with me, she would “talk” to her belly, as if she knew that her bestie was on her way. Vanessa is eleven months older than me, and because we’re so close in age, we were naturally always together. There were countless sleepovers, birthday parties, day trips to the park and zoo- you know, basic kid stuff. Whenever we were together – we’d be latched at the hip. I remember always being SO excited to be able to hang with her, and being equally sad when our play dates would come to an end. Vanessa has always understood me and, while I didn’t quite understand it until recently, she was one of the first people to make space for the authentic version of Jayla, and I believe that’s why I’ve always had a special admiration for her.

Our bond took a pause when my family moved to Conyers, Georgia in 2005. I was eight years old, and absolutely devastated that I would be leaving my best friend. As the years went on, we saw each other sporadically at family reunions, and would occasionally talk on the phone and converse via email and instant message. (Y'all remember Yahoo Messenger?) We grew distant, but I still loved and admired her like an older sister and hung on to the few interactions that we did have during that time.

In 2010, my world shifted again, and my family moved back to Buffalo. It was an extremely difficult time for me, but the one thing that I was looking forward to amidst the personal turmoil is that I would be able to reconnect with Vanessa. One of the very first things I did when I came back was ask my Nana to take me to my Aunt Renee's house, so that I could see Vanessa. Even though we had some catching up to do, it was like I had never left. The dream team was back together!

Vanessa has been my sounding board, cheerleader, and partner in crime for the majority of my life. She has supported me through my darkest moments and has celebrated me during my highest. When no one else is on the dance floor with me, I can always count on her to join me. When my father passed away, she made sure to take me wherever I needed to go to help center myself, and to keep me company. When my first boyfriend was acting crazy, she scooped me up and we pulled up on him together. Although Vanessa is my cousin, she actively chooses to be my family, and actively chooses to love and accept the full version of me. Sure - we’ve had our ups and downs, because family is bound to clash from time to time, but the bond that we have is unbreakable and I’m grateful for it every day

Vanessa is a huge part of why I am who I am today, and is one of the inspirations behind the curation of Not Another 20-Somthing's Blog. Today is Vanessa's 26th birthday, so in celebration of my honorary big-sister, here are 26 things that I love about her. (Y’all know I love a good list, right?)

1. She’s an amazing writer- In fact, she was the first guest contributor to this blog! Check it out here!

2. She is very organized & responsible - her and Jordan were a power team when it came to planning anything!

3. She’s extremely funny & witty!

4. She knows what she’s worth and doesn’t settle for less.

5. Them cheeks tho! (if you know, you know!)

6. She’s a great dancer! I sat and watched her teach herself the "Tamia dance" one night. She invited me to join her, but dancing really isn't my ministry .

7. She’s absolutely beautiful! Look at the material!

8. She knows how to have a good time! She's good for suggesting different things for her friend outings, and is a great host whenever she throws a shindig at her place.

9. She’s a natural leader. She effortlessly captivates any room that she's in.

10. She always advocates for herself, and encourages those around her to do the same.

11. She’s nurturing. She cares for her students, families, and friends, and isn't afraid to go out of her way to make them happy.

12. She’s oh-so stylish!

I literally have a degree in fashion design, and still lean on her for outfit advice

13. She’s a great person to go to concerts with. Together we've seen Rihanna, Kirk Franklin, Chance the Rapper, Kanye West, and Kendrick Lamar - just to name a few! Its always a lituation!

14. She makes a mean pan of candied yams! With her yams and my Mac & Cheese, our future holiday gatherings are bound to be legendary

15. She’s honest and transparent. Whenever I need a reality check, she's my go-to!

16. She remains graceful, and always aims puts her best foot forward. She's a Barber woman through and through!

17. She’s so freaking SMART! She even skipped a grade!

18. She’s courageous, and rarely shies away from a challenge.

19. She has great music taste and will always be the designated DJ when we’re together. She even made me a playlist of songs that she thought I would like - and she was spot on! She put me on to a bunch of my favorite artists!

20. She’s cool as hell, and such a social butterfly (even though she’ll deny it) I wish that I knew how to work a room the way she does!

21. She’s a low-key beauty-guru. Whenever I need my makeup done for a nice event, she’s the first person I call.

22. She knows how to live in the moment - and she encourages those around her to as well. She's good for taking pictures and (often embarrassing) videos, and for reminding you to get off your phone and be present.

23. She rides for the people that she loves- Literally and figuratively. Before I had my own car, Vanessa would take me where i needed to go all of the time. The running joke is that the true version of Jayla shows up in Vanessa's passenger seat!

24. She gives amazing motivational speeches, and always knows just what to say.

25. She’s dependable and generous. I know that if I'm ever in a pickle, she'll bail be out!

26. She has a gorgeous heart that matches her gorgeous smile!

Happy birthday Vanessa! I hope that you know that you are incredibly loved and a light in so many people’s lives, including mine, just for being yourself. You are an inspirational, irreplaceable, diamond encrusted rose and I love you to the moon and back (and then some)! Thank you for being who you are, and for choosing to be my family and my best friend. I wouldn't trade you for all of the Beyoncé tickets in the world! Cheers to 26 ∞