24 things I learned at 24

As I say good-bye to twenty-four and hello to "Twenty-Thrive", here are twenty-four reflections and lessons that I have learned and will carry with me as I make another trip around The Sun.

1. It’s okay to ask for help.

I’m a very prideful person. I always extend my hand to help, but I really struggle with asking for help in return when it’s my time. Living on my own stripped me of my pride and made me realize how much I truly need my “village”, and consequentially, how ready and willing

they are to show up for me each and every time. Don’t block your blessings, y’all.

2. It’s okay to walk away.

I made a lot of hard decisions during my 24th year. I chose to leave a job that I’ve worked at loyally for nearly seven years, chose to end a five year relationship, and chose to sacrifice my independent lifestyle to come back home and get myself together. Naturally, I never like to consider quitting an option. But this year taught me that walking away from what’s comfortable doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means that you’re walking towards something new and character building, and that’s worth celebrating, too. Sometimes walking away is just maintaining perseverance in a different direction.

3. It’s okay to be vulnerable.

I like to call myself the “Cancer of all Cancers”. I’m extremely sensitive and passionate. But even still, I have a shell, and I hate being deeply emotional in front of people. I’d rather process my emotions alone than to subject others to my ugly crying-face that could rival

Kim Kardashian’s. (“People are dying, Kim!” ) This year changed that for me. I found that allowing myself to fully open up around someone with an open heart and a shoulder to lean into is more cathartic and grounding than crying alone every has been. Allowing myself to be completely vulnerable with someone there to support me reminds me that although I feel terrible, I am not alone– and that reassurance means everything to me.

4. Money is replaceable & can always be made. Memories are priceless, and you have to make them while you can.

I was blessed to be able to go one a handful of trips during my 24th year – I went to New Orleans to celebrate my birthday with my then-partner; New York City with a group of my girlfriends for my bestie/cousin’s birthday; New York City again with my baby sister to see Tyler the Creator preform at Madison Square Garden; Massachusetts for my God-son’s baby shower; Toronto to celebrate my then-partner’s birthday; and New Jersey to meet my God son for the first time. For nearly all of these trips, I wasn’t 100% sure of how I was going to fend for myself financially. A few times, I had to hustle extra hard to make sure that I would be comfortable. A few other times, I had to ask for help from my village (Shoutout to my mom & Nana!) to help keep me afloat. All in all though, each of these experiences were more than worth it, and the memories that were made were priceless.

In short, spend the money – make the memories. #FuckItWeBall

5. Family really is everything (to me).

My mom likes to joke with me that she saw me more when I lived in Syracuse, than when I lived back home in Buffalo. It’s funny, because its true! Before moving out to Syracuse, I truly took having my family readily available to me for granted. That’s not to shame myself or anyone else – we’re all guilty of it at some point. I just didn’t realize how much I leaned on my family until the day came when all I wanted was a hug and had no one around to provide one. I drove home often, and I would make an effort to see as many of my loved ones as I possibly could while I visited. Now that I’m back home, I made it a point to spend more time with my family, and to hug them more often.

6. Life is way too short.

Seeing someone so close to your age, or even worse – younger than you- with an RIP hashtag next to it is jarring in a specific way. I understand that passing on is a part of life, but it’ll never truly make sense to me why some of the best people, most full of life have their stories cut so short. While I’ll never understand, being faced with the fragility of life this past year has inspired me to always show up as my full self in every circumstance, and not hold back due to the fear of rejection, embarrassment, or disappointment. Its cliché, but it really is better to live, do something and learn from it than to always wonder “What if?” I’ve chosen to love, show kindness and extend myself unconditionally in tribute to those who are watching our stories play out from the other side.

7. I am truly in control of my destiny.

No one is going to do it for me – after all, they have their own destinies to worry about.

8. There’s my truth, there’s your truth, and then there’s the absolute truth somewhere in the middle.

After A LOT of therapy and self-reflection, I learned to make space for the feelings that I felt, but to also understand that just because I feel something intensely, it does not make it an absolute truth. Similarly, you can have a feeling about something that I did, and I can have a completely different experience, and we can both be right and justified – but we could both be blind to the truth as well. I’ve learned that it’s important for me to make space for all three of these types of truths. Human nature is flawed and beautiful and is beautiful because it is flawed. The more I flow with it instead of against it, the more at peace I am and the easier it is to navigate difficult moments and emotions.

9. I’ve tried SO hard not to be toxic – that I ended up being toxic anyways.

There is no such thing as being too much, but there IS such a thing as doing too much – even when you only have the best intentions. Sometimes being overly giving and overaccommodating becomes less about truly making someone happy, and more about making yourself feel secure and wanting to be accepted. It can also turn out to be more of a hassle than its worth. I faced a tough reality that I was infamous for doing this, without even realizing. If I like you – oh best believe I’m going to love bomb TF out of you. But when people make their feelings known and express that they are not interested in what you have to offer, its lowkey disrespectful to yourself and the person to try to change their mind by going out of your way to appear to be amazing to them. Respecting people and their autonomy means to give them space when they request it, and to respect their boundaries when they set them.

10. I’m more of a cat person than I thought I was.

Not to be dramatic, but Peaches changed my heart & life for the better.

11. Avocados aren’t that bad!

To be honest, they’re not bad at all. See: The avocado rolls from Cheesecake factory

12. My body has changed – and that’s okay.

When the pandemic hit I gained a bit of weight (But really, who didn’t?). At first, I was self-conscious about it. I couldn’t wear what I used to wear and felt lost about how to dress myself for a while. During this past year, however, I took the time to relearn how to dress this new body, and I’m learning to accept that although I don’t look the way that I used to, I’m just as beautiful now as I was then – if not more.

13. Gratitude can be expressed for any and everything- and its powerful.

Incorporating the very simple act of showing gratitude to counter-act my deepest depressive thoughts completely shifted my entire life. I had no idea that such a seemingly small act could improve my daily thought process. For example, when I would think “Man, I don’t feel like going to work” I would be intentional about adding “..but I’m grateful for the opportunity to make my own money and provide for myself” Although it took work building the habit, once it started flowing naturally, I noticed how much easier it became to get through the day.

14. I am more resilient than I have previously given myself credit for.

I had this revelation while reflecting with others on what all I’ve overcome. Sometimes, you don’t realize how crazy some things sound until you hear it coming out of your own mouth. Shout out to my friends for speaking life into me and reminding me of how far I’ve come.

15. Patience just might be the most important virtue.

It started with me learning to be patient with myself. Being in your mid-twenties is all about feeling like you’re running out of time. Once I realized that the key to becoming my best self-meant slowing down and giving myself grace, I was able to let myself be in the moment and feel the feels. With feeling, comes understanding and clarity.

16. It’s okay to go back to your inner roots.

… In fact, it’s extremely important to. I know this seems like the same as point #2 – but hear me out. You can walk away from something, and still find your way back into a different version of the same cycle. What I’m talking about here is that it’s okay to completely move away from something you’ve always done. Just because you’ve always done a certain talent or working in a particular field, it doesn’t mean that you’re stuck in that box. For me – that came via taking a break from fashion and sewing. All of my life, I’ve only ever considered what my life would be as a fashion designer, and I never fully explored my other interests, such as enjoying music and writing. This year, I re-grounded myself by looking toward my inner child and asked myself, “What else did you love? What’s stopping you from doing those things too? Why are you letting other people put you into a box?”

17. I am not responsible for other people’s feelings.

I learned that if I put that same energy towards myself, I would be that much better off. I am the most valuable thing that I will every invest in.

18. It really is possible to fake it until you make it.

…As long as you’re faking about being something you’re truly working to become. For example, I made myself say positive mantras and think positive thoughts even when I didn’t fully believe it. I was intentionally positive until I didn’t have to be intentional about it anymore- it became natural. “Faking the funk” served to be a way for me to rehearse for the role of really being the person that I want to be. Even if I still feel like shit afterwards, I know that the positive seeds that have been planted have been watered and one day will blossom.

19. It’s okay for me to “toot my own horn”.

I stopped looking for celebration and kudos from everyone else and focused more on praising myself. As the great RuPaul is notorious for saying, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

Can I get an Amen?!

20. Everything that I desire is at the other side of my comfort zone.

As someone who had battled anxiety and depression for the majority of my life, it’s incredibly easy to stay within the boundaries of what feels safe and familiar. For the past few years, I’ve been in “power save mode”, meaning I was focusing the majority of my energy towards just making it to the next day – and at times when I was especially struggling, just making it to the next moment. My twenty-fourth year came with a resurgence of energy and drive, and I was reminded that my full healing and growth comes when I get comfortable within the uncomfortable. I chose to stop fighting it, and embraced it, and this changed my personal outlook for the better.

21. I truly already have everything that I need to get to where I need to go.

I also know that whatever I don’t have yet but will need in the future will find me when the time is right as long as I stay the course. Repeating this mantra to myself daily has helped me keep my focus.

22. I want to be a doula!

This revelation hit me when I met my God-son for the very first time. Getting to spend time with him and speak life into him, and also seeing how much relief I was able to provide his parents/my friends with my presence resonated with me in an unexpected way. In that moment, I knew that I wanted to do this all the time for other young couples of color, and to help be a support system while they transition into parenthood, from pregnancy to post-partum. Now, I’m focused on saving money for classes and training so that by my 26th birthday, I’ll be a certified and practicing Doula.

23. The basic principles of

skating reflect the basic principles of life.

Who doesn’t love a list within a list? I learned that:

You have to find your center and feel confident in it in order to push forward

You can’t be afraid to fall. Falling is apart of the learning process

Its okay to fall- just make sure that you don’t stay down too long

Keep practicing and stay consistent – it’ll pay off in time.

Don’t take yourself too seriously- have fun with it!

24. There is power in telling your story.

And that’s why this blog exists today. Check out my very first post – Introduction Things, to get all the details.

Cheers to more lessons to be learned, and more memories to be made! Cheers to 25! ∞

What’s been your favorite age so far, and what advice would you give the younger version of yourself? I’d love for you to leave your thoughts!